Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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