All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
