i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
