the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
