the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
