also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
