felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
