I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
