What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
did i just pee glitter
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
