He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
