Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
