Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
