I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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