i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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