Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
