you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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