Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
