So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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