i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
