I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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