all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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