Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
