I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
