shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
