i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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