Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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