I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
