Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
