he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
