We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
