he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
