Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
