My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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