of course. lets lasso hookers.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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