I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
