uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
