I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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