hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
