no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
