Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This is not my ceiling
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
