did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't turn off my feet"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
