ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
