yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
