The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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