do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
