I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
