ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
