I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
