Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
