I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
