I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
